I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
