Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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