she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
