that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
