Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
