Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
