don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
