Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
