we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
