You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you win again, gameday.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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