this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
