i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
