OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize