is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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