If i come over, it means nothing
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
