How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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