i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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