So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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