I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
