ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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