We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
