what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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