Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
