Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
