what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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