I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
