Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
