I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He shit in the fireplace
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
