I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
