so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
