like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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