Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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