I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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