I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
