So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
