I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
