Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
