I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
