i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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