once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
