she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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