Welp...herpes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
