She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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