Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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