just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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