When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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