I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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