Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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