does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
