You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
