I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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