Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
