well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
