how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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