Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
