i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
