Who wears a wallet chain?!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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