i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize