i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
