Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
