when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
