dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
