She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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