Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
