I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
