you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
