Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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