He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
