Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
