i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
