***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
