i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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