no, he came in my armpit
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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