I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
