I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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