I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
