i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
